The Best of the Beast
by BlessedMay
Summary: There are days when I think I'm more a beast than a man. The question on everybody's minds was, "Where is Sam Uley?"


There are days when I think I'm more a beast than a man.

The first time this thought ever crossed my mind is when I first phased. That first switch from man to wolf is so traumatizing, so violent, you're not sure that you're alive anymore. It's as though the wolf is ripped from your body, being flipped inside out until everything that was inside is now exposed to the world. I stayed in my wolf body for two weeks before I could even remember what it was like to be human. After I realized that I could change back and be a man again, I was horrified by the things I had done as a wolf. Hunting is a much more primal activity when you're a beast. But I turned back because Leah was worried, everyone was. The question on everybody's minds was, "Where is Sam Uley?"

The next time I thought I was more a beast than a man was when I imprinted on Emily. Only a narcissist would fall in love with one woman intentionally while married to another. I broke Leah's heart and I didn't care. It didn't matter at first. All that mattered was my beautiful Emily and her almond shaped eyes and soft spoken words. But reality has a brutal way of catching up with you. Leah's caustic words burned through Emily's sweet exterior until she was a sobbing mess. She confessed to me all the horrors that my ex-fiancée put her through and I shifted in front of her. It was the single most traumatizing event of my life, second only to the first transition. I scarred my beautiful Emily because of rage that Leah caused. I promised I would never let my emotions control me so violently ever again.

The third time I thought I was more beast than man was when news of the hybrid surfaced. Renesmée Carlie Cullen. Perfect little bronze curls, eyes like burnt amber and skin as pale as a ghost with a faint, pink blush in her cheeks like they were pinched. I have not felt such animosity towards another being in my entire life. The elders said she was an abomination. I thought she was the blend between our worlds. Humanity and otherworldliness all tied up into this one little creature, so precious, so vulnerable. I burned with hatred of her. There I was, caught up between a beast and a man, unable to differentiate between the two at times, and she received the best of both worlds.

What's worse was Jacob's adoration of the vampiric child. Confessing our tribal secrets to Bella Swan was not enough, no he had to go and imprint on the hybrid. The beast and man were both inflamed with anger. The wolf saw her as the spawn of our mortal enemy, thusly, she was an enemy as well. But the man, I was inspired to _murder. _The beast doesn't murder, merely hunts and destroys those who infringe on it's territory. Those who hunger for our land, receive a very blunt ending. Man is flawed however, and when I saw Nessie Cullen, as she is so affectionately called by her worshippers, I wanted to not hunt, nor protect my land; I wanted to murder her.

I was brought back from the brink of insanity by the separation of the pack and the encroaching army from Italy. As far as I can see, the Cullens have been nothing but parasites on the land, but there is nothing I fear more than the splitting of my family. Those boys, tossed into this madness with me, they inspire me to courage, to keep fighting along in this life and together we fight for some semblance of normalcy in this hectic universe. And sweet Emily, my constant companion, has never abandoned me.

"Sam? Are you coming to bed some time tonight or shall I find some one else to keep me warm?" I turned my head towards our marriage bed, where Emily lay curled in the covers. She made me soft, but she made me strong. Because now I have something to fight for. The wolf said mate, the man said wife. Together, we said peace.

"I'm here." I whispered as I slipped into the bed beside her. I automatically wrapped myself around her plump body and pressed my face into her neck. This was home, this was safe.

"I love you." She uttered as sleep stole her.

"I love you too."

And together, we rest.


End file.
